On Fulfillment - How to Happily Achieve
Expanding your perspective on life allows you to enjoy your constant transformation
As a Leadership Performance Strategist (and a produced playwright), I know that the most inspiring stories are those of personal Transformation through trials and tribulations.
My contribution to my clients is to bridge the gap between desire and achievement, between "what is" and "what can be" to realize "what shall be." Breakthrough first; Transformation always.
Many stories of Transformation involve a Homecoming, going back to one's roots, seeing the old with new eyes, capturing new insights, undergoing a Breakthrough and (hopefully) changing in a positive way.
I've recently spent three weeks with my brother Robert in Buenos Aires, Argentina, organizing and cleaning up the apartment where we lived with our parents. It was a Homecoming that defined the end of an era, considering that we immigrated to the United States almost forty years ago.
We inspected photo albums, paintings, bookshelves, documents, clothing, dated furniture and myriad objects. This process reinforced our identity, led us to discover unexpected details and, most importantly, filled us with gratitude for having had such generous and caring family members nurturing our sense of curiosity and wonder.
One morning during the first week, I woke up thinking that I had to write about Fulfillment.
As I reviewed my family's history, the concept of Fulfillment deeply resonated with me. These people whose genes I carry gifted my brother and I something more than the family's name, a business legacy or a prestigious brand.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines self-fulfillment as "a feeling of satisfaction that you have achieved what you wanted."
A study by Doris Baumann and Willibald Ruch published in the "Frontiers of Psychology" section of the National Library of Medicine's website in 2022 concluded that the people they interviewed understood a fulfilled life primarily as "having lived life fully, achieved personally meaningful goals, developed themselves, and contributed to others and left a positive legacy." The authors add that "these findings confirm that a fulfilled life consists of many facets and, importantly, involves the notion that a life well lived contains a self-transcendent component."
According to Abraham Maslow, some characteristics of self-actualized people include:
Realistic perceptions: They have an efficient perception of reality and can tolerate uncertainty.
Acceptance: They accept themselves and others for who they are.
Spontaneity: They are spontaneous and natural in their thoughts and actions.
Appreciation: They have a continued sense of appreciation and gratitude for the good things in life.
Interpersonal relationships: They establish deep and satisfying interpersonal relationships with a few people.
Mission: They have a mission in life.
Peak experiences: They have frequent peak experiences.
Grounded: They are grounded in the real world.
Independence: They are not dependent on extrinsic satisfactions.
Creativity: They are highly creative.
Concern: They are concerned for the welfare of humanity.
Humor: They have an unusual sense of humor.
Objectivity: They are able to look at life objectively.
Ethics: They have strong moral and ethical standards.
Privacy: They need privacy.
Democracy: They have democratic attitudes.
By these parameters, what I knew about my ancestors told me they were Fulfilled individuals. Even if I consider my tendency to idealize my relatives, I can assume that they lived richly textured lives and they achieved what they wanted.
My Lebanese grandfather arrived by ship in Buenos Aires from Beirut at 15 without language or money. He had an address in his pocket and that single contact allowed him to find work and become a businessman. He married my Lebanese grandmother through their immigrants community. He always worked for himself as a store owner and they had three children: my father and his two sisters.
My father became the first Doctor in Chemistry in long history of Maronite Catholics from Lebanon who, like their Phoenicians ancestors, ventured out in the world. One of his sisters became one of the first Rehabilitation Therapists for the Disabled and the other one an Executive Assistant for the CEO of a large international insurance company.
My Argentine grandfather was born in a large French family originating in Bordeaux, who traveled to a northern province to build railroads. They gathered a significant fortune that my grandfather's older brothers systematically squandered in the French casinos. He was left alone, without education, to provide for the women they left behind. And he did: he worked, graduated from high school and managed to become the president of the National Electric Company, fathering five children with his devoted wife - also from a French family.
Their children all completed university degrees, a condition imposed by their father, as he wasn't able to get his. My mother became a Doctor in Chemistry, as well as her older brother. Her sister became one of the first Physicists studying Quantum Physics. The two younger brothers were an Attorney and an Agricultural Surveyor.
All the women in my immediate family managed parallel roles as professionals, wives, mothers and engaged social leaders. After retiring, my mother became a prolific visual artist who exhibited and sold her artwork.
As scientists, my parents were both high achivers. What impressed me most through our lives together was their resilience against the economic dislocations provoked by the constant political and socio-economical turmoil in Argentina, marked by revolutions, dictatorships and catastrophic financial defaults.
They always planned and forecasted, they contemplated options and alternatives, and they never let the country's turmoil disrupt our opportunities to create our own path to the future. Their environment never broke them: their integrity and identity became the indestructible ship that allowed them to navigate chaos, corruption and the erosion of their society's values.
In the last years of my parents' lives, we talked with them online almost daily and, without fail, we laughed at inside jokes and at the absurdity surrounding us in Argentina and the U.S. It was both healthy and empowering to know that we could always use humor as a creative outlet.
My brother and I always felt we had possibilities - and we managed to squander them at will to choose a different path than the one marked by our top-level Catholic school education.
During three weeks, we took a magnifying glass to our lives during our daily lunch conversations at the same traditional restaurant that has stood for 60 years, a nostalgic remnant of our school days. We chose it on purpose as the framework for our shared introspection.
We both agreed: we were gifted an abundant, full life, starting with an education open to opportunities and spiced with multiple examples of how to succeed while doing what you love.
We are privileged and we know it - and we believe in the processional effect by which we continue to do what we love and in the process we inspire others to find their own path.
Are we fulfilled?
We acknowledge that we are satisfied with our choices, as we embraced professional tennis coaching as a passport to the world and new opportunities. Thanks to a rich network, we have designed original solutions in a variety of industries, countries and environments - benefiting individuals, groups and corporations. We are not our jobs, we are what we become through them.
We see Fulfillment as a wonderful fragrance enveloping the process of continuous Transformation. It's not a destination.
We feel young and strive to continue to be creative. We are thinkers whose goal is always to be better thinkers. Health is a priority, so we can continue to provide for our Families.
We have an entrepreneurial worldview that considers that we don't need to achieve to be happy; we happily achieve. We associate with contributors instead of speculators.
Our biggest anxiety about the future is to create an inspiring legacy, a valuable path for others to follow thanks to a resonant message that invites them to become significant contributors. We are at the gates of our legacy's creation - and we want to get it done.
As Robert and I we continue to write our own story of Transformation, I invite you to consider these questions that might facilitate your own process to answer the question "Am I Fulfilled?"
What is the evidence that I'm reaching my goals?
What obstacles remain between my goals and their realization?
To which degree am I satisfied with the results? Am I content or do I want to expand my possibilities?
How am I a contribution to others? How do I provide significant value to those around me?
How is the world around me better because I happily achieve? Who benefits directly (and indirectly) because I am fulfilled?
In which ways am I leaving a legacy? Does my achievement create a path for others to follow?
What is the vision for my Fulfillment for the next 10 years of my life? Who should know about it? Who can help? How am I going to celebrate?
If everything I plan from now on fails, what would give me the most satisfaction - the certainty that I've made a difference in some way?
The quest never ends. It just gets increasingly more interesting with a broader perspective.
[First published in my LinkedIn newsletter “The Glass is Full and a Half” on September 4, 2024]
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